"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2
"Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." 1 Corinthians 13:4
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4
"We all have different gifts, according to the grace given us." Romans 12:6
"See ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Tonight, I was feeling kind of down, stressed, worried, etc. so I opened a book that I have filled with Bible verses. I found solace in these as I read them. Today was the last day of class. All I have is 2 finals left - however - I have a lot of studying left to do for these. I'm stressing out, but I just could not study with all these thoughts running through my mind.
I had my adult health eval and it went pretty well. I got an A - barely - but an A's an A right? She just graded more strictly than I thought. When I asked her about it, she did not really have a solid answer as to why I got what I did in the different categories. Hmmmm. This is why it can be so frustrating - it seems as if the grading in clinical can be really biased. The professors have different experiences, styles, philosophies, and expectations. I'm worried about my psych eval because of this. I know that she is going to try and be objective, but at the same time she is going to put her judgment into it. I'm not sure I trust this at times. It's hard because some of the other people in my class say that she likes me - others say that she doesn't like me. To put it lightly - I've worked my ass off in there and my eval/grade better show it. At the same time, I think that I should not go in with too high of expectations because then I just get mad when I don't do as well as I thought. It's just a weird situation.
Back to the messages/themes behind the Bible verses - I really need to work on not comparing myself to others in my class. We are all so different and have all of our own strengths/weaknesses. It is just really difficult because I see all of these awesomely nice, smart, kind, witty, wonderful people everyday and I'm like....wow I seem kind of lame compared to them. I need to work on seeing my strengths and being thankful for the things I have been given. I would also like to be patient and let everything come in time. In a way, I need to stop trying to have such control on my life. I wonder about what I will be doing, what I will be good at, where I will live, what will be happening to me in the future. I want to take it slower and not THINK so gosh darn much. It stresses me out too much.
I am just ready for this semester to be over. Like I have said before - I have been going to year-round school since Spring 08. This break will be good for me to have a little fun, relax, not study, read some books, etc.
You are so loved, lady! We HAVE come such a long way this semester. It's AHHHHH-mazing. Congrats on your A in AH! The pretty A's do feel good, but the reflection on all your learning is what's really worth it! I totally hear you on comparing to others in class. I have caught myself falling into that head space too. It's the most non-productive head space. bleh.
ReplyDeleteGirl... You have amazing strengths that are PERFECT for the job you will eventually choose. It's calling you just as you are looking for it. I can't wait to play in clinicals with you in the spring.